Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Back in the blogging saddle

Starting a new blog feels a lot like getting a beautiful new notebook and not knowing quite what to fill it with. I've sat in front of many beautiful notebooks staring at blank pages over the years not wanting to ruin them by jumping in too quick, but none quite as long as this post. Maybe that's just my inner stationary addict talking though? Maybe it's the pressure of posting online after almost 12 months of absence? Truth is, I haven't been feeling myself for quite a while, so I took a step back from the Internet and let my life heal. My entire life has gone through a bit of a transformation since then and I thought I'd dedicate my first post on here to letting you know what has been changing.

Last time I was regularly active online I had been with my partner for almost 6 years. When our relationship ended so did a lot of the routine and stability I had in my life - you don't realise quite how much you depend on a person until they are no longer in your life, and I sucked at being single.

 After a few disastrous Tinder dates I found myself seeing my high-school crush for a few months, and needless to say things weren't as cute as you would first imagine. After months of getting cancelled on last minute with no explanation, ghosted for weeks at a time, and constant abusive texts accusing me of cheating on him, my self esteem was at rock bottom. Eventually I walked away. 

Then along came my Prince Charming who rescued me from the dragon on his noble stead. Ok, there was no horse. "Charming" may have been an exaggeration, and he definitely isn't a prince, but he was perfect for me. We have now been together for about 9 months and I am finally starting to feel my confidence growing again. I am not quite back to how I was before dating the fuck-boy, but I am getting there one day at a time.

Partially due to breaking up with the ex, and partially due to living so damn far away from work, I had to move out of my bedsit-for-one, and into a spare-room flat in Derby. Moving to a new city almost 50 miles from everywhere I know and love has been a little daunting, especially since moving as an adult is so much different to moving as a student, but I am finally beginning to learn my way around here and can see me making a future I enjoy. Granted, living in someone spare room in their family home isn't ideal, but it has its perks. 

Now, this is where the real roller coaster has been recently. If you follow me on any other social media you may know that I lost my job in March of this year. After promises of a career, management opportunities, and development within the business - the news of redundancy came as a complete shock to me. I have had more interviews since then than I can count, and skipped between two mind-numbingly dull temporary jobs since then. One of these had me crying alone in my car every lunch, both were no where near challenging me enough (or paying me enough!) to make me want to stay. Just as I was about to resign myself to a life of sitting at a desk 9-5.30 every day I finally got lucky and landed this job of my absolute dreams. I am now about a month in to working as an Assistant Psychologist with children, and it may be the best thing to ever happen to me. 

Now I'm gonna be honest, I haven't really had a life recently. I kept telling myself that when I got a new job I would start to settle into the city 'cause I would then be able to afford to do things, or when I move later this year I would get settled in better as I'd have my own space to entertain in. Let's be honest here, I could make up excuses to be a recluse until the end of time, introvert is in my nature after all but I need to get out there at some point. Now that I am feeling confident enough to begin blogging again I am also feeling like I can get involved in the community, meet new people, take up hobbies. Over the next few weeks and months I am going to make a real effort to settle in properly to the place I am going to be calling home.

It has been a massive transformation in my life over the last few months, and I am hoping that it continues like this and that I can continue to blog about my journey. For now I'm back, what have I missed with you guys?


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